A Writer's Life

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Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Silence - Part 2

Silence is hardly a prayer...

I feel silence is for the strong minds and meditating they say brings peace...
but to meditate, we need to practice silence first...
And silencing our thoughts seems the hard part
My attempt at being silent may look successful from the outside but from within...
it is as if I am alone at the Jallianwala Bagh and being massacred brutally with bombarding negative thoughts, guilt feeling, bad remarks and comments from every side. 
I once said that silence is helping a gullible, like me, relax my anxious mind and is also helping me reflect on what I was about to say, introspect myself...and so on...
But no sooner did I say it, I remember having felt exactly the opposite.
By being gullible, in fact, I am able to release the pressure mounted within me. By expressing anger and disagreement and by arguing, I feel relaxed from within until the new stress comes to the surface of having destroyed relationships while talking, whatever came to my mind.

No wonder Gautama Buddha had to reside in the woods to attain peace. Should I really pursue silence or let my mind speak to me? 

Sure, I find enlightenment when my surroundings quieten and my thoughts speak aloud in my head. I feel as if the wise inner voice in me finally got its mike to speak the loudest I've ever heard so far. It seems the quiet night outside is being a good audience to my loud conscience. 
but by then, the damage is done. Ta-Da! 

I've never heard the wise in me speak during the day. it requires quiet times and the silent-me is going to break soon someday. it is only when I am on the verge of breaking down, that the dawn breaks and with the first light of the sun, comes my old routine with new challenges and I've forgotten what my conscience said during the silent hours, only to be haunted again during the following night. 

Uff this confusion!!! Silent or not, I doubt I am going to make it peacefully throughout life. 😔 Silence is my best friend, pointing out at my mistakes, but I prefer the noisy background to it because it does not allow me to see the darkness that the night offers, that the silent hours of the night offer to me by showing the darkness within me.


x

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Spooked

OMG! I don't know what made me do this...but I was generally googling up the haunted places in Mumbai, India. The paranormal or bizarre things have always caught my attention. And the result spooked me. This was in the year 2003 and I was studying in Ramnarain Ruia College of Arts and Science. There was this one incident I never shared with anybody as I brushed aside the whole thing as just a strange, inexplicable feeling.

It so happened that it was some cultural programme that day and I had to change. So, I went into the ladies common room and we had a very tiny room-like space within the ladies room for changing. I went inside and no sooner did I enter it, I was feeling very uncomfortable. I could sense some presence in that little room, which was hardly a square foot place. I kept turning my head only to see the wall behind me. But I can never forget the weird feel I had. And no, it was not just feeling claustrophobic, because I know that kinda feeling very well. This one was different. I just wanted to get out quickly.

If I am not mistaken, I think that presence was right over my neck. I don't know and I am not very certain about the facts but one thing for sure, that the feeling was very scary. And when finally, I opened the door and let myself out quickly, I couldn't look behind. As if my inner voice stopped me from looking back into that space. I still wanted to go back and see for sure nothing was there. However, I left it there. I never paid heed to this whole episode and it was buried somewhere inside me. I don't know...maybe I felt it was just some weird feeling of being cooped up in a very small place.

But today, when I read an article on the haunted colleges in India, I was left aghast. My college was listed in the article and the mention of that very room along with some other room number S26, which I am not sure of. But the changing space in the ladies room, OMG! now it explains everything...about that feeling I had. But what scares me even more is that I was THERE! :O

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Age-Old Moral Stories with a Twist

The Hare and the Tortoise  -The first in the series!

Long ago, as we know, the tortoise won the race, only because the hare was over-confident.
Ever wondered, what if the hare would have finished the race using his natural ability of being the fastest little animal? the tortoise's determination wouldn’t have helped, right?
Slow and steady doesn’t win a race but can complete a race. It is the hare's mistake that came handy for the tortoise.

Now, read this new version of the story.

It’s 2017, as we know, after so many years the tortoise again wins the race. But how? If the hare is fast, the tortoise is old and wise. He is 150 years old and slow; slower than a snail.
In order to win the race, the tortoise plays a psychological game. He plays a trick on the hare. The race begins as it must, and the hare runs as fast as he could. He realizes soon after that the tortoise is left behind. Not wanting to repeat the mistake done by his forefather, he wants to ensure he reaches the finishing line first and then take some rest. So he runs and reaches the finishing line and there are a few animals there who cheer aloud for the hare. The hare is happy and now waits for the tortoise to reach so that he can see the look of defeat on his face. the tortoise appears after a very long time and the hare laughs at him for losing this race. The tortoise looks sad but keeps walking with his face down. The hare loves the loser look on the tortoise's face.
The tortoise, however, keeps walking and later, reaches the finishing line...the finishing line??? Yes, the finishing line!

The tortoise had created with his friend's help a new line that was way before the actual finishing line. His friends were there to cheer the hare to flatter him and boost his ego. When people say you win, doesn’t mean you win...never go for flattery...and never belittle your challenger. Everybody is skilled...nobody is skill-less...the tortoise couldn’t have beaten the natural skill of the fast running hare but he could beat him in wisdom. So when people praise you, know the difference between actual praise and flattery and know that the race never ends. To begin with, there is no race. Excel is what you must and you can enjoy the winning experience all throughout your life. 

Saturday, November 19, 2016

DON'T MARRY...

Don't marry...

unless:

you're aware that marriage is a game, a game in which love hides behind some tree in a forest (by forest, I mean a web of situations, circumstances and ugh, relatives) and waits for you to find it...in short, love is lost in marriage every now and then like a mischievous child and you've to constantly look for it and when you do find it, you gotta cling on to it.

unless:

you're sure that you're ready to not just share the same bed, but to an extent, same thought process. of course, you dont want to spend all your life convincing each other and ensure you're on the same page for every damn thing.

unless:

you know its not going to always be what you want it to be, 'giving in' comes either agreeably or forcibly (in some situations, for the happiness of your spouse and his relatives)

unless:

you ain't planning to change the common definition of marriage and think lame like "its different in my case" or even worse "I'll change him"...if you think so, try to bring an end to your Alice-in-wonderland syndrome

unless:

you are ready to carry that MRS tag with you

unless:

you're marrying for companionship and believe in the 'until death do us apart' funda

unless:

marriage is not a source of income, a source of finding luxury...please have some balls and a lil respect to earn it yourself

unless:

you dont think marriage is the only thing left to do and you're bored to be single. You gotta marry when you're in love and cant imagine living without that person even for a minute...thats when you marry and not coz what will the society say if i am single...please, thats bullshit

unless:

you believe marriage works...marriage gives you the feeling that you're the only one needed in your spouse's life and he looks only upon you to be his companion at old age...which means, he enjoys your company and would love to talk to you when you both are old and alone.
When you find such a person...

DO MARRY (my blessings are with you ;)

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Coping with the Death of a Loved One

Nobody can be buried to an extent that they become a memory, a fragment of our memory. Isnt is ruthless? That the person we loved so much and who loved us even more is no more…what is ‘no more’ when they were alive were they ‘any less’? then whats with this thing called death…where does it take our loved ones?

What is the purpose of this life, in which, we come from nowhere land and disappear back there, after living half a dozen decades…yes, that’s how meagre it is, as it sounds…’half a dozen decades’. What do you want me to call it? LIFE? Isn’t that like giving too much weightage to these years…nothing but an experience for the soul, perhaps? Then why does it feel so much? Why does the pain exist…what I can see nothing but the face of my loved one and her voice is all I hear. The care, the love, the presence of her cannot just go away. Her scent, her motherly care, her affection is all is left of her…this world, this planet doesn’t need her? Is she a star? Why do we always look up when someone passes away, expecting them to be there somewhere when actually we left them on earth.

Is a person’s life equal to only some tear droplets? An entire lifetime of love now only a few tear drops. How can we just move on when all the person, once alive, did was to remember you, think about you and love you. Their full-stop is nothing but a small comma in our life sentence. That’s it? Well, a life sentence it is, ike in the jail terms…because all your remaining life will have this vacuum left that nobody else can fill…and it is a life sentence for it is full of loving memories that now give you pain.

RIP Nimu Maasi…Is all I have to say…and the things left unsaid are too painful to express…a knot in my heart…a knot! I miss you and I wish I told you I love you, before you left us. I wish you a life that is full of life. Your journey with us doesn’t end here…I will live your memories every day.

You recited the dohas and narrated the Ramayan epic to me…but I don’t remember any of it, just your face all lit up when I answered your question about the moral of the story…all I remember is the way you gave meaning to this epic and brought the characters alive. The bhajans you sang in your melodious voice was not a prayer for me, but an opportunity to hear you sing in trance for your diety. It was always about you, Maasi…ALWAYS! You may have forgotten your acts of kindness and love but as a child, all got imprinted on my mind and I know, what a beautiful person you were…I think the RIP is not for the ones who are gone but is even badly needed for the people whom you leave behind as their souls are in pain and I cannot rest in peace without that lump in my throat and sorrow in my heart.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Never too Old, I Suppose!

If I were to sum up my life in a day...imagine! all the total years that make a human life...say 70-80; I am currently in the early evening stage of my life: with childhood i.e. the morning gone, and the early youth of 20s behind me (the afternoon), I am in my early evening...and don't parties begin in the evenings? ;) :D

Friday, October 21, 2016

Its the LOUDEST sound ever, IT KILLS! its SILENCE

I am gullible so you can understand I am no friends with Silence...its not even a distant friend to me. Someone suggested I should practice silence to overcome my gullible nature. It will help me think. I did. And I must admit it turned out to be my biggest failure.

I was haunted...haunted by none other than my thoughts, the ghosts of my past. At first, I felt as though its helping me think, think about what I like, dislike and the basics that I never paid heed to, earlier. It was then that it occured to me that I am disturbing my peace of mind. Its the LOUDEST sound I've ever heard...Yes, Silence is what I am talking about!!! 
It shrieks in my ears. It is a piercing sound. Ever tried to listen to the sound of darkness? well, darkness does make a sound...its dangerous...its like the sound of a bee...the sound you hear at the end of a bell ringing...it leaves you with that feeling, ear ache.

I made a mistake. I confess. I trusted silence to be my friend and shared every thought with it. Only to know that I was heard. I was HEARD not by silence but someone who also practiced silence; whose presence I wasn't aware of. Silence betrayed me by sharing my secrets with HIM...he was none other than my ghost, my past. My past overheard me cribbing and complaining to Silence and whenever I was with Silence, the ghost of my past, my image came flashing in front of me: laughing at some distant memory, mirroring my happy past and the best times I've lived...mocking me for having come this far...scaring me to confront the present I've created.

A sudden loud noise comes from nowhere and I am relieved of this pain. I see myself in lights, among young people dancing, making merry and suddenly I see myself there...its my past again. I press my index finger on my ears...trying to drive away that sound...and here I am, sitting in the dark, silent room again. I see images...I see a lot of them. And try to drive them away but Silence screams into my ears...so loud, bringing back the wrongs I've done...I cant shoo it off...I have found a way. I am going to fight Silence. I get up and start moving towards the door. I can see the corridor is well-lit from the light that crawls into my door from that small gap at the end of it. I now run towards the door and a hand on my shoulder stops me.

I am scared even before I see who it is...I feel trapped. Its only when I turn, I see a bright white light...the brightest I've seen so far and I see a hand calling me to come and hold it. Its not scary anymore...I feel I have alighted...my muscles aren't feeling tense any more. I feel like I've woken up from a slumber. I feel so beautiful. I don't know where I am but I do know I dont have to worry...I'm in safe hands.

Just when I start feeling at home again, I see myself spiralling downwards into a long dark, black tunnel. I can see nothing and I feel dwarf-like. I hate to fall...I feel like we feel in the dreams when we fall from a great height. Suddenly, I am floating. Its scary. I cant see a thing. I am just floating, scared. I hear the chant of OMmm...and I try to see above me, from where I could hear the sound coming from. I cant see a thing but then I feel a touch...not a direct touch, but as if someone is touching me, soothingly. I go back to sleep with a smile. This goes on for awhile and I feel I'm gradually gaining my size and am no more dwarf-like.

Wait! something is pulling me down...again a dark tunnel but I can see light. I am suffocating...I cant reach it. Please...help! I feel like I am covered in plastic...its so suffocating...huh! pl...ease.....I cry the loudest and I try harder to get out of the tunnel...suddenly, all lights...its pricking my eyes but I feel so nice. So good. So relieved! Someone is looking at me as if I am just out of comma...and is speaking to me. But whats this...I cant talk...no matter how much I want to say, I cant talk. Again, silence! but then suddenly, I sense a touch...different this time, I feel calm, safe, loved, and I go back to sleep...I know before I learn, its my new MOM. I am re-born.