I am gullible so you can understand I am no friends with Silence...its not even a distant friend to me. Someone suggested I should practice silence to overcome my gullible nature. It will help me think. I did. And I must admit it turned out to be my biggest failure.
I was haunted...haunted by none other than my thoughts, the ghosts of my past. At first, I felt as though its helping me think, think about what I like, dislike and the basics that I never paid heed to, earlier. It was then that it occurred to me that I am disturbing my peace of mind. Its the LOUDEST sound I've ever heard...Yes, Silence is what I am talking about!!!
It shrieks in my ears. It is a piercing sound. Ever tried to listen to the sound of darkness? well, darkness does make a sound...its dangerous...its like the sound of a bee...the sound you hear at the end of a bell ringing...it leaves you with that feeling, that ear ache.
I made a mistake. I confess. I trusted silence to be my friend and shared every thought with it. Only to know that I was heard. I was HEARD not by silence but someone who also practiced silence; whose presence I wasn't aware of. Silence betrayed me by sharing my secrets with HIM...he was none other than my ghost, my past. My past overheard me cribbing and complaining to Silence and whenever I was with Silence, the ghost of my past, my image, came flashing in front of me: laughing at some distant memory, mirroring my happy past and the best times I've lived...mocking me for having come this far...scaring me to confront the present I've created.
A sudden loud noise comes from nowhere and I am relieved of this pain. I see myself in lights, among young people dancing, making merry and suddenly I see myself there...its my past again. I press my index finger on my ears...trying to drive away that sound...and here I am, sitting in the dark, silent room again. I see images...I see a lot of them. And try to drive them away but Silence screams into my ears...so loud, bringing back the wrongs I've done...I cant shoo it off...I have found a way. I am going to fight Silence. I get up and start moving towards the door. I can see the corridor is well-lit from the light that crawls into my door from that small gap at the end of it. I now run towards the door and a hand on my shoulder stops me.
I am scared even before I see who it is...I feel trapped. Its only when I turn, I see a bright white light...the brightest I've seen so far and I see a hand calling me to come and hold it. Its not scary anymore...I feel I have alighted...my muscles aren't feeling tense any more. I feel like I've woken up from a slumber. I feel so beautiful. I don't know where I am but I do know I dont have to worry...I'm in safe hands.
Just when I start feeling at home again, I see myself spiralling downwards into a long dark, black tunnel. I can see nothing and I feel dwarf-like. I hate to fall...I feel like we feel in the dreams when we fall from a great height. Suddenly, I am floating. Its scary. I cant see a thing. I am just floating, scared. I hear the chant of OMmm...and I try to see above me, from where I could hear the sound coming from. I cant see a thing but then I feel a touch...not a direct touch, but as if someone is touching me, soothingly. I go back to sleep with a smile. This goes on for awhile and I feel I'm gradually gaining my size and am no more dwarf-like.
Wait! something is pulling me down...again a dark tunnel but I can see light. I am suffocating...I cant reach it. Please...help! I feel like I am covered in plastic...its so suffocating...huh! pl...ease.....I cry the loudest and I try harder to get out of the tunnel...suddenly, all lights...its pricking my eyes but I feel so nice. So good. So relieved! Someone is looking at me as if I am just out of comma...and is speaking to me. But whats this...I cant talk...no matter how much I want to say, I cant talk. Again, silence! but then suddenly, I sense a touch...different this time, I feel calm, safe, loved, and I go back to sleep...I know before I learn, its my new MOM. I am re-born.
I am scared even before I see who it is...I feel trapped. Its only when I turn, I see a bright white light...the brightest I've seen so far and I see a hand calling me to come and hold it. Its not scary anymore...I feel I have alighted...my muscles aren't feeling tense any more. I feel like I've woken up from a slumber. I feel so beautiful. I don't know where I am but I do know I dont have to worry...I'm in safe hands.
Just when I start feeling at home again, I see myself spiralling downwards into a long dark, black tunnel. I can see nothing and I feel dwarf-like. I hate to fall...I feel like we feel in the dreams when we fall from a great height. Suddenly, I am floating. Its scary. I cant see a thing. I am just floating, scared. I hear the chant of OMmm...and I try to see above me, from where I could hear the sound coming from. I cant see a thing but then I feel a touch...not a direct touch, but as if someone is touching me, soothingly. I go back to sleep with a smile. This goes on for awhile and I feel I'm gradually gaining my size and am no more dwarf-like.
Wait! something is pulling me down...again a dark tunnel but I can see light. I am suffocating...I cant reach it. Please...help! I feel like I am covered in plastic...its so suffocating...huh! pl...ease.....I cry the loudest and I try harder to get out of the tunnel...suddenly, all lights...its pricking my eyes but I feel so nice. So good. So relieved! Someone is looking at me as if I am just out of comma...and is speaking to me. But whats this...I cant talk...no matter how much I want to say, I cant talk. Again, silence! but then suddenly, I sense a touch...different this time, I feel calm, safe, loved, and I go back to sleep...I know before I learn, its my new MOM. I am re-born.
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