Silence is hardly a prayer...
I feel silence is for the strong minds and meditating they say brings peace...
but to meditate, we need to practice silence first...
And silencing our thoughts seems the hard part
My attempt at being silent may look successful from the outside but from within...
it is as if I am alone at the Jallianwala Bagh and being massacred brutally with bombarding negative thoughts, guilt feeling, bad remarks and comments from every side.
I once said that silence is helping a gullible, like me, relax my anxious mind and is also helping me reflect on what I was about to say, introspect myself...and so on...
But no sooner did I say it, I remember having felt exactly the opposite.
By being gullible, in fact, I am able to release the pressure mounted within me. By expressing anger and disagreement and by arguing, I feel relaxed from within until the new stress comes to the surface of having destroyed relationships while talking, whatever came to my mind.
No wonder Gautama Buddha had to reside in the woods to attain peace. Should I really pursue silence or let my mind speak to me?
Sure, I find enlightenment when my surroundings quieten and my thoughts speak aloud in my head. I feel as if the wise inner voice in me finally got its mike to speak the loudest I've ever heard so far. It seems the quiet night outside is being a good audience to my loud conscience.
but by then, the damage is done. Ta-Da!
I've never heard the wise in me speak during the day. it requires quiet times and the silent-me is going to break soon someday. it is only when I am on the verge of breaking down, that the dawn breaks and with the first light of the sun, comes my old routine with new challenges and I've forgotten what my conscience said during the silent hours, only to be haunted again during the following night.
Uff this confusion!!! Silent or not, I doubt I am going to make it peacefully throughout life. 😔 Silence is my best friend, pointing out at my mistakes, but I prefer the noisy background to it because it does not allow me to see the darkness that the night offers, that the silent hours of the night offer to me by showing the darkness within me.
I feel silence is for the strong minds and meditating they say brings peace...
but to meditate, we need to practice silence first...
And silencing our thoughts seems the hard part
My attempt at being silent may look successful from the outside but from within...
it is as if I am alone at the Jallianwala Bagh and being massacred brutally with bombarding negative thoughts, guilt feeling, bad remarks and comments from every side.
I once said that silence is helping a gullible, like me, relax my anxious mind and is also helping me reflect on what I was about to say, introspect myself...and so on...
But no sooner did I say it, I remember having felt exactly the opposite.
By being gullible, in fact, I am able to release the pressure mounted within me. By expressing anger and disagreement and by arguing, I feel relaxed from within until the new stress comes to the surface of having destroyed relationships while talking, whatever came to my mind.
No wonder Gautama Buddha had to reside in the woods to attain peace. Should I really pursue silence or let my mind speak to me?
Sure, I find enlightenment when my surroundings quieten and my thoughts speak aloud in my head. I feel as if the wise inner voice in me finally got its mike to speak the loudest I've ever heard so far. It seems the quiet night outside is being a good audience to my loud conscience.
but by then, the damage is done. Ta-Da!
I've never heard the wise in me speak during the day. it requires quiet times and the silent-me is going to break soon someday. it is only when I am on the verge of breaking down, that the dawn breaks and with the first light of the sun, comes my old routine with new challenges and I've forgotten what my conscience said during the silent hours, only to be haunted again during the following night.
Uff this confusion!!! Silent or not, I doubt I am going to make it peacefully throughout life. 😔 Silence is my best friend, pointing out at my mistakes, but I prefer the noisy background to it because it does not allow me to see the darkness that the night offers, that the silent hours of the night offer to me by showing the darkness within me.
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