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Wednesday, May 27, 2020

The Guiltland

There is no one here. No one! Just me! A second ago I was a part of the crowd, at the beach, hearing laughter, chitter-chatter, the sound of the waves, and the ocean at large. Everything seemed joyous but not me. I tried to look inside me to understand what is wrong. I know that already and yet I look within me sometimes like you would when you know something is hurting you. And every time I do so, I am transported to this place where I am right now. 

This place is a dark lonely lane. The street lights are there but I feel I have lost the happiness around me. Yet it gives me the satisfaction that I am at the place I deserve. A solitary place. At least the laughter does not mock me here. I start walking on this dark lane with the support of the dim street lights. The lights flicker at first and then one by one, as I pass each of them, they break. The glass pieces scatter all around me and I tread the path, being pricked by the glass pieces again and again. My feet bleed and yet I know this is the place I deserve to be and that gives me a good feeling of sadness. 

The lights break because the evil in me cannot let the light fall on me. This is the guilt land, the land where the evil in me punishes me. My wrongdoings, the evilness in me, and the memories of the past haunt me here, this is the place I love to hate myself at and yet this is the place I find solace in, as this is what I deserve. Meet me, I am guilty and this is my guilty land. If you want it to be your neverland, treat your people with respect and love and gratitude. When you hurt someone who counts on you, who worships you, the memories of it will kill you from within and yet spare your life to suffer the suffering you gave your dear one someday. 

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