A Writer's Life

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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Please hold my hand because...

My love, with love, your love wants to say that you moist my eyes with your words...
Yes! keep holding my hand coz I want to ensure that I never let you fall...
Please hold my hand coz I want to ensure your presence to feel secured...
Please hold my hand coz I want to ensure I dont fall in love with you again...coz  if I do now, marshy that your love is, I shall drown this time...all over again...drenched in your love​
Please hold my hand coz I want to ensure that there is a solid ground for me, your love is my base and I want to hold firm unto it...
Please hold my hand coz I want to ensure during all the marital vows, I am holding on to my roots,
Please hold my hand coz I always want to feel your hand on mine than using my hand to dial you...
Please hold my hand coz I want to continue writing verses for you like holding a child's hand to make them write ABC...
Please hold my hand coz I want to ensure I never depart from you...
Please hold my hand coz I want to ensure I fly in my imagination with you...
Please hold my hand coz I want to ensure the height of my heels, and the height of my pride, and the height of my success can be held without fear,
Please hold my hand coz I want to ensure I stop writing now and dont go on and on :)

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Interviewing Myself

My Age? - I am as old as a fresh thought cropped from a dynamic mind that generates thoughts every milli-second. I am so young, you cant guess my age ;)

My Home? - is a house where there is no roof for sorrows and problems. Itz named Happinezz

My Room - My Chamber? - It contains my mess, my creative thoughts and ideas, my love, my feelings, my reflection, my stuff, my fantasies, my posters, and my TEDDY HUBBY:)

My Love? -  a four letter word as a synonym to love - ARUN

My Ambition?  - to live (thatz what we came for, right!) i want to live everyday coz i just can get enough of the day...i want more! :)

My ... uh... no more questions please! coz I have to get back to life and living! :)

Friday, December 3, 2010

My Write-Up on My Write (Right) to Write

Mastering the Idea of Mastering the Words

huh! its started though! thatz important...i hate to be impotent with words...
i have now found a way to not dream 'dreams' but write 'dreams'
to not feel sentiments
but inscribe emotions
to be given a situation
and have words narrate it for me
i dont want to be a story teller
but i want to be a story-heard author
whose stories imbibe every possible emotion, one imagines to read
i am willing to write
but more than that i am willing to be heard
not by every type of the masses
but by few chosen men and lasses
i know i can write
and so can many
what is the difference then
unlike those who write to earn penny
i want to write coz writing not only builds words for me, but builds...ME
i dont wish to compare
coz i have no time to spare
i need to write
i need to author
i need to inscribe
i need to follow my mind
coz my mind minds me
my thoughts-  i sure need them to lead me
not true, but astray
to bring in more experiences to say
i want to be foretold
as a writer not a writer-in-the-making
i live in a building of words
my thoughts are structured not in images but framed in words
given a writing material, i will never draw an image but write
could be anything - a lotus or a fight
i close my diary to open it again; to let my thoughts spill
i recollect them faster in order to not let them escape
my thoughts are no thoughts but in words they shape
my persona, my character, my love, my feeling, my breath too is a word
i cannot express it with a sigh, or a sound of release of CO2...but i can simply say 'breath' and the word releases the air denoting breath...
there is nothing vocal, nothing imagery
imaginary and literary...yes! i love to speak in the form of words...i love to write words in word (microsoft)
its not my dream or my passion or my ambition
its for me, something internal and external
i think: to write
i eat: to survive to write
i earn: to get paper to write
i work: coz my work is 'to write'
i sleep: coz i dream to write
i love: coz romance is something i want to write
i pray: for powers to write
i say: i want to write
i write: coz i write
i have no reasons to write
but i write
you read what i write
and i am motivated to write
you dont read and i write
i am waiting for you to read what i write
so i write more
i write to fight
i write against fights
i write responsibly
i write continuously
a non-popular writer i am
but writing about popularity - i sure can!
a writer with few readers like you
if not new readers, for old readers i want to write new
a writer by nature, a writer by birth, a writer who will SOMEDAY
find her worth!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Woman Nearing 30...correct it! GIRL about to step in EARLY 30s

I AM- a woman nearing 30
I AM- shocked in having undergone a recent realization phase, to know -  i am nearing 30
I AM- worried about the wrinkles - thin to thick lines that will gradually mask my youth
I AM- saving my tender years in hand, the experiences i experienced but alas! those have passed away into the mystery of the skies and in the form of oysters on the surface of the mighty ocean, unexplored
I AM- unstoppable in wearing outfits teens prefer coz I hesitate to believe that i have left behind my early 20s
I AM- reminded of those days and tick-tocks and can feel my presence in the past loitering away those beautiful years doing nothing more concretizing
I AM- rewinding time in my mind to live those years and outlive these
I AM- looking at the time ticking away like a stop watch...and

...look what i am doing, for heaven's sake,
can i keep these thoughts at bay until the time, when i will be counting my days towards death, lying on a cot in my old age
I forgot i am writing "I AM" and not "I WAS"...i am "STILL ALIVE"...
cant waste away on the time and memories i should be building up now...on the learning and grabbing of knowledge in libraries and experiences of life alike,
Good God, oh Lord! look what i have done! wasted away a few minutes...while:
I COULD HAVE admired my elegance corresponding to my current age and my maturity over the teens
I COULD HAVE instead looked into the mirror and have WOW-ed at my already-grown yet ever-growing beauty
I COULD HAVE wondered about the beautiful relationships i have built in and around me
The relationships within me would imply understanding my own self, my persona
Yey! whopee! i am nearing 30..can you believe it! i have just stepped into the beautiful years gifted to me for nurturing the foundation of my relationships, of counting those few lines across my face that amounts to my wisely ways of life, i have left behind those lethargic days to live a life where i dont demand things, but EARN things...i LEARN things...i  LIVE my thoughts, yes back to the I AM phase...

I AM - the decision-maker
I AM - capable in concretizing my dreams to live in real
I AM - no more fantasizing relationships but living the romance with my husband
I AM- no more a blooming flower but an already bloomed rose
I AM- no more single...but in a web of relationships I built to secure me, to thrive on my being
I AM- yes, I AM nearing 30 and am all smiles
I AM- still 27 and am forgetting my present in thinking about the 3 years later part of the story
I AM- already on the verge of finishing my wait to venture on my own
I AM- not just a traveler but a guide to my destiny
I AM nearing my 30.
I AM- happy
I AM- loving this
I AM- celebrating this
are you celebrating with me?
I AM- inviting you to
I AM - yes, i am, i am, i am, i am....A young girl! :) :) :) :) 
I AM- the one who has learnt to pray and yet fail
to understand that...
I AM- responsible to follow my prayers with hard work
I AM-  not just a dreamer but an architect of my dreams
I AM-  not some kid in risk of being duped by others talks
I AM- a thinker myself
I AM- the designer of my thoughts, my character and my words
I AM- the painter, filling in colors on the canvas of my life with:
Red-the love of my life - Arun, 
Golden - life full of relationships treating me royal
Blue- when facing failures - wuv! i am on a ride, and i enjoy the downs just like in any other rides in an amusement park
Yellow - the color of khichdi, I eat together with my husband at the end of the day to enjoy the quick bites of the food, the hard work throughout the day, the morsels of life...it never seems i have one life to live...its like living two lives when he narrates me the happenings of his day, the feelings he went through during the day combined with mine..its two lives in one, isn't it?
Yellow - also the color of Krishna, the reason for my existence, MY LORD! its his fav. color and signifies the importance of each day, each ray of the sun (by the way, Arun also means sun ;)
Green - the money-green i earn, the mother earth-green that gives life to me, food to me, the green of prosperity, the green of alienation when interacting with strangers
Silver- the color of stars shining brightly -to tell you the truth, i am the star of my family and the starry-eyed Arun, not-to-forget! :)
Pink - the presence of which is natural in my life, owing to the great feeling I am gifted with: of being a daughter, a baby girl, a  princess
Orange: no! not for sacrifice...but for the khatta-meetha happenings in life
and all the other colors combined together in the form of my dreams  -disfigured, seemingly discolored, but in real, the mix of all...soon to come true! 
After having said this, you think i have any reason possible for feeling low to be nearing 30...i DENY any possibilities! coz blessed i am with siblings and parents so great, with in-laws so respectful and loving; and husband - my personal diary storing all my emotions
I hereby declare,
but but but but but

Did someone say THIRTY!
I am STILL 27 ONLY... :) tee hee :)

Monday, November 29, 2010

Evaporating Thoughts

I have a fire,  

no! a storm,
no! a butterfly,
no! finally a frog in my head; leaping from one idea to the other
...and my typing speed though pretty fast is unable to catch up on the speed of my changing thoughts...transitional! ...they are not related to each other at all..
i want to do a million..
no! a zillion
...things at this one time...I know I want to; and I know I can, but "how!"... is not the question here with google just an alt+tab away...the 'how' part of it is already worked upon...
"what first?" is a nice question...coz when trying to think of it...my mind has already drifted to an even mightier thought belittling the one i wanted to work upon...
why is this?
is it anxiousness...or hyperactivity of thoughts?
do i need a pill to put my mind to rest...but why?
the creative thoughts within me can't be so mercilessly treated and murdered...by a PILL...no! i might as well just pen it down...oh gosh! i need to type even rapidly...they are escaping my mind...

no! catch them...
they are vital to me...
extremely vital...
they build me...
i will collapse...
please get them...
oh, my thots! 
i cant release u! 
not so soon! 
i own u! 
plz listen to me...
u can't go away like this...are u? 
did you? 
no, i know u CAN'T and you AIN'T
...escaping my mind 
...coz i want to concretize u...
hey my thoughts are personified to reply...
coz they are mine! 
I have imagination enough to personify them and...
oh gosh! they replied: "we aint staying back as u dont treat us respectfully!"
well, that aint true...
"yes, it is! coz u love ur thougths but dont respect them by PROCRASTINATING!"
...Alas! they disappeared!

here i am! calm, patient, back again to the tick-tock speed of the clock...i feel the clock has lost its pace..time has slowed down..it can never match the cyclonic speed of my thoughful mind...leaving me thoughtless now...

Sigh! itz over! the turmoil in my mind is over to now begin the turmoil in my heavy heart that badly needs to seek the creative outside to be accumulated to satiate my creative insides...

i want to concretize my thoughts and so i end this with not a period but a three dot continuation..i need to work upon my thoughts...will get back to you Diaryben! 

...after clearing the first task in hand...Lights (illuminating bright thoughts in my head), Camera (my eyes who need to spot the right track to heed my words) and ACTION...my task at hand..bye! i got to finish this...(as promised i am leaving behind the three dots..coz life continues, thoughts continue...​and so do I...

Catch your Thoughts...Seemingly Free, BUT Priceless

Friday, October 22, 2010

Your Dream Man - A Wacky Description

If your description matches the one described in here: you sure need someone who is the opposite to understand how beautiful a feeling love is. So gurls, feel the same as written below:
Change your mind before you lose your mind! ;)

My dream man should be a dream and not a nightmare!
My binocular eyes are looking for a fat man coz i am sure he loves to eat goodies and is a gourmet. Soemone who would be emotive towards savories of all kinds and i shall be given oppurtunities to grab some too. :) I want a bald man to appreciate my tresses, a man with not-so-good-sense-of-humor for him to not understand my practical jokes. Instead, I want a man whom i can amuse with my sense of humor. A less hanky-panky guy with simple looks coz if he is a hunk, you bet! I sure am not competing for him.
My dream man should hate chocolates coz I dont like sharing mine! chuckle! He should hate travelling so that i can borrow his scooty since i dont have one. His name should be tree-trunk long so that i can have a pet name for him and can treat him like one too! tee hee! He could be anything: a chef (am a foodie here!), a hair stylist (after all, who wouldnt want to be pampered), a fashion photographer (posing is comfortable with your guy and also more chances of being shown up as a model-look-alike), a poet (so that he amuses his muse).

Note: This aint my dream man for sure! this is a wackiest idea possible for a dream man! mine is a TDH - tall, dark and handsome and i have booked one already...hah! a wise decision...a person with traits: wise and someone who can take up my mood swings, does anything for my comfort, does not make me feel that he completes me but makes me feel complete within myself...independent yet dependent on me for his emotional needs...yes! he is my man! and not the wacky one! :)

Monday, October 18, 2010


suppose, she asks him out for a date
suppose, he doesn't come out for a date
suppose, she asks someone to ask him out for a date
suppose, he takes THAT someone out for a date
suppose, she doesn't get angry,
suppose, he thought she should have been angry
suppose, it was his act of making her J
suppose, it was her act of not feeling J
suppose, he thought she is not possessive about him,
suppose, she thought he would love her not being possessive about him,
suppose, he took it as an indifferent attitude,
suppose, she dint intend to throw that indifferent attitude,
suppose, he decided to never speak to her again
suppose, she took it to heart and vowed never to speak to him again
suppose, they stop talking to each other
don't suppose! coz for sure! the relationship is wounded
suppose! they try to heal!
don't suppose! coz alas! itz too late
so letz decide to understand and speak to our loved ones about every little thing and never never never fight owing to some misunderstanding...coz this mis is better missed...so that understanding is retained...cheers to love relationships!!!
and the boat sails ever after
and the happinezz retains ever after
and the relationship flourishes ever after
and the hip-hip-hurray is heard ever after
and the couplehood's glory is hailed ever after
Love- never-ending, fights-ever-ending
From the box-office of Vyoma - copyrighted...this is for personal use ONLY...authors' creation...long live  celebration

Against Judging People Based on Irrelevant Ideas: Race, Religion, Region, Western, Tradition...

though i utter unpleasant things most of the times
however my intention and my thought rhymes
to compose a poetry of satire
i cant stand hypocrisy and a traditional liar
who talks about great things
but follows none of those
every human emotion has wings
every human is a thorn; but! with a rose

the heart that leads true but to roads so complex
human mind is forced to pride and discrimination against sex
letz grow! why acclaim that someone is just or not
all it requires is not tradition, but some heart and thought
i aint getting matters to worse
but through this poem am planning for a reverse
reverse not into the lane of traditions vs modernization
but towards an appropriate, balanced, educated nation
that understands tradition is to limit oneself and lead true
to train your thoughts
not to reign your thoughts 
you cannot stop your individual, developed thinking that help you grew
from within, you are enlightened by nature's gifted conscience
these pages are nothing of reminiscence
i believe to-be-good is to-be-cultural
but the friendship between tradition and modernization should be mutual
i cannot forget the efforts women and human have taken to come up alike
the regional differences come from the politicans demanding for votes on the mike
we are all one and i agree that every region has a drawback
but why judge people? It shows how much of intelligence we lack
education is a means to identify people as equal
but what i see is people looking upon each other as rival
yes! i too belong to the crowd
coz facing discrimiation, my heart speaks loud
to tell myself and the world too
letz be together, we are not of different races but one
letz wake up before the damage is done
I apologize for my words that may have added fire to fury
but all i wanted you to know was please dont pass a verdict like that of a jury
i sense the trouble that is gradually taking away our independence too
but i wish there are more people to follow these thoughts and not just few
this ended as a poem of shock
but my idea is to improve and not to mock
on any one race or religion or region opposed to the other
coz all regions belong to Earth, our mother!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

a BOOKish idea

The amount of reading i do makes me feel ignorant all the more. i crave for more. the sight of books makes me feel like Alibaba (from Alibaba and Chalis Chor)...it is like a treasure left in the Landmark or Crossword showroom for you to loot. How can they leave it so open?...the bank robbers might change their minds and would instead want to rob the knowledge openly displayed, luring them, provoking them to break in.

When in there, I try reading the blurbs and zeroing on one (max 3) novels (budget issues...u see!)...but my attention is drawn on this another title that seems more interesting than the previous one. At some other corner of the Landmark book shop, i find there is a section on sci-fi graphic novels for kids...my husband sees my attention directed to that section and immediately exclaims, "For Kids, its for kids!" But i race ahead of the seconds tick on the clock and my eyes are penetrating through the hard cover of the books as if they never saw anything so beautiful. I try and find a hide-out place in the shop, wandering as if i were a child still, of staying invisible until the guards close the gates and return home for their good night's sleep. What fun if it could happen! i would explore all the genres, simply read-read and read more...but whatz this?!?! Voila! i am more confused...i cant stick to one book as i want to read all at once! is this some kind of a psychological disorder? i see the ocean and imagine it to have the depth as that of the deep knowledge in books, as if with the waves, as like a page comes to us and tries to reveal some hidden facts or some hidden story.

What more! i see a pile of books in a pillar.

When reading crime stories, i see in everyone a killer.

Oh! this book world!

makes my senses whirl!

at one time, i read a story

at the other, some factual potpourri

an episode - Just very recently i visited a Ganpati kovil and I was amazed at the way it was made with ladoos. I immediately told my husband, I want to create a Ganpati of all the books I have at home. My imagination as wild as it could go; imagined me holding some cut-outs of great words from my treasure trove and pasting it in proper manner to form the shape of Ganpati, the God of Knowledge. The combination of my cut-out words would read some quote or some social message.
How would that be? I got excited and started hopping at my idea. I calmed down and this time the cause was an existing idea overtaken by an other idea. Apparently, this one was equally vague but pretty simple...how about being a librarian who could enjoy the smell of books old and new, the worn-out pages in the books in the library make me feel like i am an explorer, someone whose hands are blessed to get hold of a revealing mystery from the past.
The new ones make me feel the knowledge it contains is sure to enlighten the darker corners within me.

I want to book all the books available in the library
i want to read until my eyes are tired and dreary
i want to purchase all the books that a book shop can hold
i want to read the stories so far untold
i want to read books round the clock
books are the treasure that ignorance cant lock
oh my obsession
teaches me a lesson
that i need to get back to my book

that has the power to hook

young or middle-aged

i feel i am caged

in the boundaries of a certain thinking pattern

books are most certainly a lantern

that can drive away the darkness lying somewhere in the heart

i decide to embrace knowledge and owe to never stay apart

from the books that are a source to gain

not just money, not just fame

But knowledge in its purest form
sharing ideas and stories that are drawn
from people's imagination or their plight
i think the pen is the superpower with all its might
to express the unsaid
the tears that are shed
can all be expressed

...through a


Wednesday, June 30, 2010


My recent trip to Kerala was altogether a new life for me. The ayurvedic massages were not only soothing my body and mind, but I felt so saintly as if a great, big burden has been suddenly lifted from my shoulders. I never felt so at ease. To re-live this memory later, I even posed as a Buddhist and allowed the time to stand still in my camera. 
The tea leaves plantations and the herbs are a delightful thing to watch and learn. Munnar has more trees than people and what you breathe is peace. Kumrakom and its back water resorts make you sense the personification in the elements of nature. Nature speaks! Don't believe me? Get, set, march to Kerala and experience the houseboat experience at Allepey, where the life of people is on water: instead of bus stops, they have boat stops, school boats, and you get your groceries at your door step by people yelling and selling in their pheri boats. Kerala symbolizes the human soul: free and God-like. 

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Love for the ritual or love for the dead

What do these rituals signify?
Are they emotive, monetary or just a lie?
How many of us truly believe that importance to a person dead ranks above the importance given to a ritual?
Is agreeing and believing in them, throughout generations, actually mutual?
Someone's death is a setback to the family and close
But in the midst of this all, a voice arose
”Come one -come all - let us perform the required set of traditions”
the younger ones are supposed to learn these traditional lessons
You are made to abide by these, regardless of how miserable you feel on losing someone you couldn't imagine your life without
Coz if you don't, your love for the dead person is questioned in doubt
So who exactly are the people whom we do these for?
Is it out of love for the dead or simply practicing some society folklore?

Question this to know how much hypocrisy covers our purely crystallized soul

Life is just about loving and living and not just playing a role

The society makes you do things and rate these above your love – mind you, your feelings are lowered

Do not justify these customs and act like a coward

Friday, February 26, 2010

Is 3 Idiots another entertainer or is it truly influencing the system?

I think 3 Idiots is nothing more than an entertainer to most. It’s sad to know that people like Chatur are still needed in the market and are respected and judged by their scores. I understand the system would require some sort of a winning line, a finishing line that can measure the success criteria of the candidate as to what category the student falls into. But wuv! am I being sarcastic in saying who would judge the child’s intelligence man! Is it calculated by a mere marksheet…who knows how much of the percentage is acquired by opting the cheat theory or by prompts from the person sitting next in the examination hall…does anyone know that “thumbs up” does not always mean “all the best” but it means the deal is fixed…its DONE! its OK that you help me with answers pertaining to certain topics while I assist you in copying answers to the rest of the subjective questions.

Result: The lowest-scorer or rather a person unable to deal with the other so-called-smart kiddies are the losers. Coz smartness is not measured with your IQ but your cunningness in not applying theories but inventing theories to cheat the supervisor.