I am Afraid to be a Human and I am Afraid to be a Woman, Even More...

 

I am afraid to be a human, and I am afraid to be a woman, even more

Coz situations sometime topple on me

And I stand there, unbalanced, ready to fall

Hoping to be held, hoping to be saved

And then I learn that loved ones stand by your side

But not when you stand against them

You may be right, my dear

But proving it…exhausts you

When expected to prove, you feel weak and numb

When arguing, you spill the venom and wish you were dumb

But I know for sure, my words are my power

My speech though assumed wrongly as a dictator’s

It has the power of a woman, the power of education

The power of differing from right to wrong

The power of innocence and righteousness

I proclaim myself to be a true friend, the truest wife, a soul so committed

That in living these roles, I prioritize myself, always the second

Coz I know, I need no more pampering from me

Well, sometimes I do…

Make a note of it

And surprise me…

Coz after all, I too am a human

In this society, I am afraid to be a woman

I began my life’s learning, thus:

As a child, I learnt I am a girl

I grew to learn the word ‘afraid’

Then I turned into a woman

And now I know what being afraid means

Nevertheless, I am powerful

And my powerfulness worries others

Sometimes my loved ones

And so I have decided to hide this power

Somewhere within me

Let the spark be in me

And fight, when need be!

But by being a woman, I have realized

I choose to be powerless, and that makes me even more powerful

I have learnt the power behind being submissive, at times in life

Only my loved ones are privileged to see my submissive avatar

And they too won’t be spared to know the power…

I withhold in me,

It’s the power that makes me ME

Habit Vs Love - A Note for My Love...Written Out of Habit

I check the lock twice before leaving for office – Habit!

I make myself some tea, when home alone…but add sugar for two cups of tea, and then remember you aint home – Love!

I struggle throughout the day, dealing with difficult people at work and stringent deadlines – Habit!

I challenge life for more work by throwing an attitude that I will handle it all, because you are with me – Love!

I see wrong – Habit!

I speak about the wrong, I saw – Habit again!

I speak to you about the wrong I saw and seek your support –Love!

I break your heart – Habit!

I find out that my heart is broken too – Love!

I see life as a beautiful present – Habit!

I see life in you – Love!

I am tired by the end of the day, as I reach my body’s capacity to take no more – Habit!
I wipe off my sweat, freshen up and march towards the kitchen to cook something for you – Love!

I begin my day in the wee hours of morning – Habit!

I begin my day by kissing your forehead – Love!

I feel lost and insecure, when something alarms me, something that looks like danger – Habit!

I feel like a fighter and confront these feelings and danger itself, just because you are next to me – Love!

I sleep with a blanket over me – Habit!

I sleep with your arms around me - Love!

Husbands are bread winners of the family – Habit!

Husbands are the reason why a wife will bring herself to eat bread – Love!

I feel beautiful – Habit!

I feel beautiful with a blush because you complimented me – Love!

I breathe – Habit!

I breathe for you – Love!

I save – Habit!

I save for the beautiful future you promised me – a kid and a home, and a happy family – Love!

No matter what, remember as you will, out of habit, that I love you, only because I love you…no reasons attached. Money for me is not a priority but means towards a secured future…you for me are not a priority, but my reason to be born a human, a woman and the woman who loves you. You are the reason for my existence. If money can be weighed above all this, then you are someone whom I encashed on my way from heaven to Earth. You are my money and I am wealthy, walk away from me, over me, and I am the poorest soul on earth…a body with no substance.