Cracks are Beautiful

 Every relationship goes through three phases. The third one is the most dicey part. It speaks more about you. First phase is what we think is the most beautiful phase, its all about expressing and impressing. There is no bad impression ever. It is always good. The vibes have already done it for you. You both like each other. The first smile that catches your attention, you can say that the other person likes you. The cliched “butterflies in the stomach” feeling, the loop de loop thought of the first touch, the first kiss is beyond the word “happiness”. The glow on your face, the blushing, the planning of more meetings, the restless waiting in between all defines this beautiful first phase. 

The second phase is of course that of commitment and responsibility is playing hide and seek with us. We commit because we cant stay without seeing our significant other. We want to wake up with them, spend the day, every memory with them. But there is no more impressing one another. We are now in our comfort zone, we are more friends than lovers. The love starts to wear off. We keep it alive with fun times, outings and memories of good times. We slowly settle in like roommates and not just spouses. The outer world makes us realize time and again that we are married causing a scar, the responsibilities are shared. Just like it happens between siblings, couples too have slip ups and miss out on their share of responsibilities could be carelessness or just some lazy moments. The procrastination then causes a fight. We start missing our blood family who took all the s**t and yet let us be us. We refuse to grow up. We want to see our spouse as that missing parent who will take crap. And that’s never gonna happen. 

The quarrels and arguments lead to more talk. That’s when you realize actions don’t speak louder than words. Words are louder in real, abusive sometimes when spoken in anger, hurtful beyond imagination, Pang! The softest corner of your heart is hurt, leaving a scar that wont be forgotten in times to come. The weaknesses shared in good times now come as a thrashing blow on your face. You cant take it. The arguments that seemed trivial earlier now suddenly are the elephant in the room. You cant ignore, you cant deal with! 

Time is a healer and so you patch up, more so, because you want that uneasiness to end. You want better times ahead. The good memories make you give a benefit of doubt that it was all not meant to be an attack on you, it was just a rough patch, bad mood or whatever it is that you deem fit to apply. 

Now comes the hardest part. Again things get happier, but time and again you are reminded of the hurt with future fights that crop up from the same on going issue as that issue never found its closure. Open wounds hurt most. 

What would you choose? Most couples move on, forgiving and forgetting all of these moments along the way, brushing it aside under some carpet that never has to be rolled up. But your human brain stores these memories in your subconscious. You take it as an experience and you change your behavior based on these very experiences. You are not the same person like you were in the first phase. Neither is your partner. So what makes me say that cracks are beautiful? You don’t realize but you are bonding. Just like you bonded with your sibling who drove you crazy during your growing years and even for a fraction of second you wished they weren’t there in your life. But you spiral back to them. It is the same with your spouse. 

You rebounce, renounce sometimes, and rewind the same memories in your brain. 

These very cracks then form your story. Your own love story! What story without twists and turns, without hurdles and celebrations and accomplishments and sad phases and craziness. We can never forget we are all humans and we aren’t always proud of the things we do. Every person has had such moments in their life that they are ashamed of their actions during that one such phase. There is a saying “Vinaash kale viprit buddhi” in Hindi. It means when the times are bad, our mind makes wrong decisions and results in bad actions. To forgive and forget with your heart is the way we grow together. Remember, marriage is not just to live together but to grow together. When the storm comes, hold your hands tightly, don’t let go or you wont survive and if you do, you will be left alone in the island called life. 

So I leave you to create more cracks, mend them and make beautiful love stories!